How do you speak to yourself when no one is around?
For many of us, the answer is sobering. We say things we’d never dream of saying to a friend—critical, harsh, sometimes even cruel words that chip away at our self-worth.
And while the voice may sound like our own, its roots often lie deeper—in past experiences, unmet expectations, cultural conditioning, and the echoes of voices from our childhood.
But here’s what we often forget:
Our body is always listening.
Our nervous system hears that inner dialogue.
Our muscles tense. Our breath shortens.
And slowly, our relationship with ourselves becomes one of survival instead of safety.
It’s time to change that.
The Voice Within: Where Does It Come From?
The inner critic doesn’t just show up randomly one day.
It's usually shaped by early experiences—parents, teachers, peers, society. We absorb judgments about our worth, our looks, our performance. Over time, we internalize those voices and begin to treat ourselves the way we were once treated.
And here’s the tricky part: we think being hard on ourselves helps us “do better” or “stay in line.” But research in psychology and neuroscience says otherwise.
Self-criticism activates the same brain pathways as physical pain.
In contrast, self-compassion engages the parasympathetic nervous system—promoting safety, healing, and emotional resilience.
The Body Remembers Everything
Have you ever felt a stomach ache before a difficult conversation?
Or tightness in your chest when you feel like you’ve failed?
That’s your body responding to your thoughts.
Our bodies don’t just process food and movement—they process emotion and self-talk too.
Negative self-talk increases cortisol (the stress hormone), disrupts digestion, affects sleep, and even impacts immune function. Over time, the cumulative effect of speaking unkindly to yourself can manifest physically—as fatigue, anxiety, digestive issues, chronic pain, and burnout.
Simply put: The way you talk to yourself can either be medicine or poison.
Would You Talk to a Friend Like That?
Let’s pause for a moment.
Think of the last time you made a mistake.
What did your inner voice say?
Now imagine your closest friend made the same mistake.
Would you say the same things to them?
Most of us wouldn’t.
We’d offer support. Reassurance. Encouragement.
So why do we treat ourselves differently?
This week, we invite you to try a powerful reframe:
Talk to yourself like someone you deeply care about.
If it feels too hard, start by imagining your younger self—your inner child—looking up at you with wide eyes. What would you want them to hear?
Your Inner Child is Listening Too
Inside all of us lives a younger version of ourselves—the child who once wanted to be seen, heard, and loved unconditionally.
When we criticize ourselves, we aren’t just reacting to a moment—we’re often replaying old wounds and reinforcing old narratives.
Try saying aloud:
- “You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.”
- “I see how hard you’re trying.”
- “It’s okay to rest.”
- “You are worthy—even on your worst days.”
These are not just affirmations. They are reparative conversations with the self.
How to Practice Self-Kindness Daily
Self-kindness isn’t about toxic positivity or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about acknowledging what is—with honesty and softness.
Here are 6 ways to begin:
1. Catch the Critic in Action
The first step is awareness. Notice when your inner critic speaks up. You might hear thoughts like “I’m so lazy,” “I look terrible,” or “I always mess up.” Pause and observe.
2. Reframe with Compassion
Once you catch the thought, gently reframe it. Instead of “I failed,” try “I’m learning.” Instead of “I hate my body,” try “My body is trying its best to carry me.”
3. Name the Need
Behind every negative thought is usually an unmet need—rest, connection, validation, support. Ask yourself: What do I need right now?
4. Speak Aloud Kindly
There’s power in hearing your own voice. Stand in front of the mirror and speak kind words to yourself. Yes, it will feel awkward at first. Do it anyway.
5. Write to Your Younger Self
Journal a letter to the version of you who needed more love. Tell them what you wish someone had said back then.
6. Surround Yourself with Gentle Reminders
Sticky notes, screen savers, alarms—whatever it takes. Remind yourself throughout the day to pause, breathe, and speak kindly.
But What If I Really Don’t Feel Kind?
Some days, the idea of self-love feels far-fetched. That’s okay.
You don’t have to love every part of yourself immediately. Start with neutrality.
“I’m okay right now.”
“My body is doing its best.”
“This moment is hard, and I’m still here.”
Self-kindness is not a destination. It’s a practice—daily, imperfect, real.
The Power of Your Words
Every word you speak to yourself writes your inner story.
And that story becomes the lens through which you see the world.
So if you’ve spent years writing a harsh narrative—start a new chapter.
Speak kindly. Speak gently. Speak like someone who knows: Your body is listening.
And it deserves to hear words that heal, not hurt.
A Small Practice to Try Today
Pause and place your hand on your heart.
Close your eyes.
Say quietly:
“I am learning to be kind to myself.
I forgive myself for not knowing better before.
I choose softness today.”
That’s where it begins.
DM to start your journey to a balanced mind and body. hello@energize.fit | + 91 74118 68689
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